How to tame the fire hose speaker in you

Lead by talking less

Do you recall the following: Your friend, a funder, a stakeholder asks you a simple question. Ten minutes later, you’re still talking. They stopped following three minutes ago, nodding politely.
When did you last feel you lost someone’s attention while you explained your favourite topic? But kept on talking regardless?

You don’t mean to be rude. You were trained that way. Scientists learn to track every detail. That habit serves you well among experts. It works against you everywhere else.

Most researchers know the feeling. When they explain their research, they get on fire. Words leave their mouth like water flooding from a fire hose. I call such a person fire hose speaker.

Less is more

My solution: You lead a conversation better by talking less. Yes, less.

A mentee of mine spoke fire hose in a job interview. She explained every step of her project, unprompted. She got the polite, meaningless email applicants get these days. Luckily, she followed my suggestion and asked for feedback with 3 specific questions. Her main takeaway: “Too much detail.”

The remedies

We explored remedies together. Four hold up in every kind of conversation, not just job interviews.

PREPARE. Pick your most remarkable projects and outcomes. Write one or two sentences for each. Specific enough to spark interest. Broad enough to invite questions. Over time, you build a repertoire of mini-pitches people want to hear more about.

ASK. Replace guessing with open questions. “What projects are you working on?”; “Which part of what I told you interests you in more detail?” Open questions work twofold. They turn your listener into a partner whereby a superficial monologue becomes a deep conversation. As a side effect, you build rapport.

DRAW. All resonant conversations build a picture in the receiver’s mind. Take pen and paper or your drawing App and visualize the concept. It is a speedy shortcut. “I can’t draw” is no excuse. Even a crooked sketch does the trick faster than words.

OBSERVE. Watch for signals of attention or boredom in the person you talk to. Adjust as you go. Checking their wristwatch, turning their body away from you, are two of many signals meaning “I want to be somewhere else”. Give yourself a smile stopping your fire hose. A ”Sorry, I got carried away. What are YOU working on, right now?” will clear the air.

Here’s, what I’m convinced of: a good conversation isn’t a lecture or a mere exchange of facts. It’s a bonding task. Treat it that way, you might end up with a new exciting collaboration.
Next time someone asks about your research, take a breath before you open the fire hose.

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